"How shit you must be if I got you out twice!"
-Paul Harris to Andrew Symonds, Perth 2008

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Twittering Cricketers

Is possibly the funniest thing on the web since sliced bread. They have also surprisingly revealed the personalities of certain cricketers exactly as I pictured them. Here are my deductions and conclusions:

Phil Hughes (PH408): is just a little kid after all! He famously outed his exclusion from the third test on Twitter. But he wasn't punished because apparently the timing of the tweet proved that he wrote it after the selectors had already made the final eleven public. Me thinks he showed up with a lollipop in his mouth, said he is 'thorry' and batted his long lashes at Merv Hughes. Of course the fact that they have the same last name had nothing to do with Phil getting away with it. Since the incident, Phil's only had one mundane tweet about the weather being lovely for cricket. Somebody tell him that the saying 'When in Rome' should not be practiced in England. Otherwise we might all become tea sipping, stuffy shirts with bad teeth while visiting the lovely Kingdom.

Chris Gayle (henrygale): is an arrogant twat. I came across him on Twitter during the war between WIPA and WICB. Gayle's tweets were all about how the bosses were playing hardball and of course once the series was lost, he could not help being smug about it. But wait, it gets worse. He then went on to write about his gym sessions where he called his chest 'super duper'! Chris Gayle doesn't need cricket, his super duper chest earns him money.

Which he spends at the Reggae Sumfest and parties at Negril. Fans on twitter (and twitter only) have been asked to join him at the Negril party next year. I suspect if you do, you will get a first hand view of his super duper chest and abs. He will then offer you different kinds of shades all of which will make you look worse than him, since you know, Chris Gayle is the coolest man alive.

Proven by the fact that he has better football skill than Brian Lara. And as we all know, Lara is the best footballer in the history of West Indies Cricket. It's how he scored his many double, triple, quadruple hundreds...with his feet. But despite all of that, the huge crowd at Oval was there to see the big striker-CHRIS GAYLE! He rewarded his fans by scoring 1 goal out of 6 chances. The performance was as epic as the sinking of the Titanic.

James Anderson (JimmyAnderson9): is English. Plain and simply DULL. If you want to know what Jimmy's daughter does at 6am, what he had for dinner and how his wife sounds, by all means follow his Twitter page. The only tweet that deserves some attention is the one where he announces to the world how his irresponsible wife managed to lock their 7 months old daughter and the car keys in the car for an hour and consequently traumatized the kid. Excellent Jimmy. Way to alert social services. Of course if he keeps these kinds of tweets up his wife will eventually leave him and he will be portrayed as yet another cricketer who was a victim of a gold-digger. That will traumatize the daughter further. Note to all future psychiatrists: if you are treating Miss Anderson for various psychological disorders the root of her problems lie in the facts that her father is a horrendously daft twitterer and her mother thinks that a 7 months old can unlock the car and let her in, on the occasion that she leaves her keys inside.

The most fascinating part of Jimmy's twitter page is the fact that he has 12,477 followers. This right here is the reason why England won't come out of the recession. They are too busy learning that Jimmy Anderson is currently watching the last two episodes of season 7 of 24. Without this knowledge, the English would regularly cry themselves to sleep.


Stani Army said...

Jimmy is watching season 7 of 24 24/7?

Jimmy is not DULL. Langer said Jimmy is P***Y. I read his dossier. What does P***Y mean Purn?

Reisa said...

haha @ Chris Gayle. I was at that match, Purna. His misses were the only thing epic about his performance! It was a great event.

Good job with the blog!

Purna said...

Stani, it means Jimmy swaps hormones with his wife when attacked. I'm sure you do the same :P.

Thanks Reisa! So did he take his shirt off to reveal his super duper chest?

Reisa said...

He restrained himself till the end. Shocking.

Anonymous said...

Graeme Smith has a new girlfriend.

The Cricket Corollary said...

Anon, I'll believe it when I see it.. errr her. ;)


Purna said...

So he does Anon! Here's the confirmation:


The Cricket Corollary said...

Anon, I believe it now.... :O


jagath said...

Really interesting ... Thanks for sharing