In loving memory of Amy S

I just got one of the most horrible news of my life on Amy's blog. I check her blog regularly and hope every time that today will be the day that Amy will come back. Unfortunately this is not to be. Amy's friend Kate has just informed us that Amy S. passed away in a car accident in July right after her stint with the Swine Flu. She was sick and driving..and did not make it.

I am in tremendous shock and grief. I never knew Amy personally and I never even commented on her blog when she was writing regularly. But I used to read it everyday and enjoy it immensely. I've made a lot of friends in the blog world because of Amy's page and it was because of her that I started blogging. She was amazing with words, funny, intelligent and just plain and simply awesome.

I can't believe we will never be hearing from Amy ever again. I hope you will visit her blog to leave prayers for the woman that brought so much lively conversation and laughter into our lives, just through her love for cricket.
http://amy-cricket.blogspot.com/

Rest in peace Amy

First ODI: Australia vs England and the Champions Trophy

First of all, HAHAHAHA England.

Second of all, WTF Australia! A win by only 4 runs? Letting Ravi Bopara score 49 runs? Brett Lee giving 65 runs in his 9? Wait..why am I suprised? You are not the number one side in the world anymore :P.

You will also lose the Champions Trophy. This isn't some random conclusion. Let's look at it objectively:

Group A has Australia, Pakistan, India and West Indies. Chris Gayle isn't here, so Australia just may be able to edge the Windies out. India aren't at home, so they won't win any games. Also, they are still recovering from the ICC nominations. Even they didn't realize they have been playing cricket, what with all the super important fashion shows and commercial shootings they have had to do. Pakistan will stumble in the group stages, as is customary. If they stumble badly enough (i.e if Harbajan, by some miracle, is able to make the ball turn on a foreign pitch), West Indies might just go through. WI will win against India of course and lose to Pakistan in a manner that will still work for them. Points system. It's the ICC way.

Group B has South Africa, England, New Zealand and Sri Lanka. South Africa will win all their matches and England will lose all their matches. Sri Lanka will lose to SA and NZ and therefore finish third. I know you don't think its possible, but NZ has a track record of sneaking into the semi finals of most tournaments. It's Dan. He is the true Harry Potter.

Then we turn to the semis where Australia will play New Zealand and win, and SA will play West Indies and win. The finals will be between Aus and SA, just the way we like it. Aus will win the toss and choose to bat first. Ricky, Clarke, White and Ferguson will all go mad and put 450 runs on the board. In their reply, Biff will be blocked by his own fat and caught behind. Hersch and the newly slimmed Jakes will then take over and score over 150 each. AB and JP will contribute with 50's themselves after the two fall. The game will ultimately be won by Bouch and Albie's power hitting and Albie will say 'This one's for you Morne'.

Btw, if Bangladesh had been included by the ICC snobs, it would have been a whole different ball game altogether. The tournament would have been unpredictable and much more fun to watch as we surely would have killed some more giants. But they didn't. So you will have to wait till we cook up a storm in our own backyard against Zimbabwe to watch some exciting cricket.

We don't need you

:)

England in the news again

They just come up with one comedic gold (Copyright Esra, do not try to reproduce) after another. Stuart Broad talked to Cricinfo about their 'wild' Ashes victory party

"I woke up the next day still in my whites. "

Which Cricinfo followed with:
Stuart Broad admits England's celebrations after regaining the Ashes lasted well into the night ... but at least nobody urinated in the garden of 10 Downing Street.

So where did all the alcohol go? I wonder if his whites were wet in certain areas...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ZULU!

The mighty Lance Klusener turns 38 today. If you dislike him, don't bother commenting on this one. I'm not interested.

For me, Zulu first introduced the concept of assaulting the ball in every sense of the word. Phrases like 'smashed', 'out of sight', 'thrashed' etc. that are used so often in T20 today, were all defined by Klusener. No other player could pull his team out of situations, the way Zulu did in the 1999 World Cup. On top of it, he did with a style that left everyone in awe of him. There was a widely circulating rumour that bowlers were afraid of bowling to a certain Lance Klusener because they could not predict in what manner their balls would be dismissed over the boundary that day. He humiliated the best of the best.

Of course, as the story goes, he later on crumpled under the pressure to perform and was subsequently removed from the team. What shocked me most was the fact that the man who fought like death to give South Africa hope, merely whimpered when he himself was in dire straits. Zulu, unfortunately was also responsible for providing me with my most heartbreaking memory of cricket ever. Yes, it still hurts. Ask any South African fans and they will tell you the same.

But I forgive him. Because despite all of this, he did a lot for South Africa. He won many matches, took many crucial wickets and scored plenty of runs. His contributions are evident when new hitters like Albie Morkel are called the next Zulu. Lance Klusener came at a time when South Africa was accused of playing boring cricket. Let's just say after the World Cup those critics were thrashed out of the ground and out of sight.

His unique bowling style

Just another day at the job

ICC Awards 2009: ODI Player of the Year

More rubbish to sort out...

ODI Player of the Year

Shivnarine Chanderpaul (WI): He won't win. But he actually deserves this nomination.

Mahendra Singh Dhoni (Ind): Nominated in all three!! Did he offer the ICC free products?

Andrew Flintoff (Eng): The ICC's gone soft. Don't be an emotional fool. He clearly prefers the IPL over England. That's why he is retiring.

Chris Gayle (WI): Oh hello Scumbag. I guess this is where you belong because you want to get rid of test cricket. But I don't approve. Go cry on twitter and don't forget to mention my name.

Umar Gul (Pak): I am tempted to say no...but the guy is talented. So whatever.

Martin Guptill (NZ): Who are you? Did you kill Dan to take his place in this list?

Michael Hussey (Aus): NO! He is no longer Mr. Cricket. Get over it.

Nuwan Kulasekara (SL): No. Too many talented Sri Lankans. Somebody needs to take the boot.

Ajantha Mendis (SL): His ears are magnificent, so yes.

Muttiah Muralidaran (SL): Another consolation prize. He didn't have a great year. But I guess since he is retiring, he can be in.

Yuvraj Singh (Ind): Cricketers with inflated egos that match their bellies are not to be bestowed with awards.

Virender Sehwag (Ind): This is a question of my intense dislike for the Indian team vs appreciating good cricket...my intense dislike wins!

Thilan Thushara (SL): Another Sri Lankan? I thought India was the one with the population problem!

ICC Awards 2009: Test Cricketer of the Year

Shortening the nominees list further...

Test Player of the Year

Stuart Broad (Eng): ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Let's do the math,ok? The Ashes had five tests, he performed in two only. One of which they lost miserably. In the other one he got wickets because Australia performed poorly. To be deserving of an award you need to be able to produce results yourself. Broad in incapable of doing that when the conditions aren't ideal and when the opposition is playing well. Withdraw his name IMMEDIATELY!

Michael Clarke (Aus): Saved Australia's ass in two tests, couldn't perform in the one that counted, highest run getter of the series, engaged to Lara Bingle...I guess he is in. It's all about cricket after all.

Mahendra Singh Dhoni (Ind): Him again? I can't even remember the last time India played a test. Why are these players nominated?

Tillakaratne Dilshan (SL): Yes. This one definitely excludes the IPL. Dilshan makes the other team panic. I like that.

Gautam Gambhir (Ind): I think he had a good year. Like I said I can't remember. But I'll leave him in because again, he won't win :).

Shakib Al Hasan (Ban): FANTASTIC all-rounding performance against both WI and SL, leading the team for the first time AND winning. He is glued to this list.

Mitchell Johnson (Aus): Things are not going well for Australia...so I guess yes.

VVS Laxman (Ind): No. See reason above.

Jesse Ryder (NZ): I think the ICC included his name because they were required by law to include at least one overweight player. Hello ICC, you made that quota with Graeme Smith already. Please take this mess out.

Thilan Samaraweera (SL): Not till Muttiah is gone dude. You rock, but we'll see how you do when you don't have him to back you up.

Ramnaresh Sarwan (WI): I love the fact that he got it over Chris Gayle, so yes!

Peter Siddle (Aus): No. Two Australians from this current horrendous squad is enough.

Harbhajan Singh (Ind): Care to bowl in some grounds outside of India to prove you are a good spinner? No? That's what I thought.

Graeme Smith (SA): For playing with his broken hand...and scoring runs, yes. But please wear a suit that hides your bulges and don't take your girlfriend to the ceremony.

Dale Steyn (SA): Without a doubt yes! Steynki, I can't wait to see you rip England apart!

Andrew Strauss (Eng): No. I kept him in the Cricketer of the Year nomination list. That's enough.

Graeme Swann (Eng): Yes, please let's give Graeme Swann an award for performing in one test out of all the 40 that he had played in. If he gets the award, I am officially renaming the ICC as International Crap-lover's Council.

Daniel Vettori (NZ): Yes. Can we also get him a new team with the award?

AB de Villiers (SA): For this one, yes. Tremendous patience and growth over the season. But if you win it, take the credit. Don't attribute it to Jesus please!

ICC Awards 2009: Cricketer of the Year

The nominations are out and ICC is majorly confused! There are like 20 nominees for each category. They should take me on as a jury member..I will shorten the list for them. Here I go.

Cricketer of the Year

Shivnarine Chanderpaul (WI): He gets nominated every year but never wins. So why nominate him? Consolation prizes are not required.

Tillakaratne Dilshan (SL): Based on what? The IPL isn't counted here is it? IT BETTER NOT BE!

Mahendra Singh Dhoni (Ind): For his modeling skills and finally realizing that long hair is not cool...hang on! This is a Cricket award..OUT!

Gautam Gambhir (Ind): Ok. Yeah..why not? He can be one of the nominees, but you know he won't win.

Shakib Al Hasan (Ban): HELL YES! APPROVED APPROVED APPROVED!

Mitchell Johnson (Aus): Oval...Lords...bitter mother...South Africa...broken hand...Mitch had an eventful year and actually managed to get some results. Ok, Mitch, you are in.

Graham Onions (Eng): HAHA! Was Lilly Allen in this selection panel? Let's not stink up the awards please.

Thilan Samaraweera (SL): Yes, he is awesome.

Kumar Sangakkara (SL): Approved. He is Sanga. Enough said.

Harbhajan Singh (Ind): Umm...maybe if he slaps Onions and makes him cry!

Graeme Smith (SA): Oh Graeme...why must you put us Saffa fans through this? You know we will support you because you are a good cricketer...but will you get your shit together?! Anyway, you are approved for growing as a leader. But for that only..NOTHING ELSE!

Andrew Strauss (Eng): Oh God! Okay fine, he actually batted well. It's because he was born in South Africa though, so don't get too excited.

Daniel Vettori (NZ): A hundred times yes. It will always be yes for Dan. Even if he gives away a thousand runs and makes consecutive ducks.

AB de Villiers (SA): I am a little skeptical about this one simply because JP also had an amazing season. If AB got this nomination because of the IPL, then no. If otherwise, then yes.

What does it take to win a Twenty20?

The Kiwis seem to be unable to win anything other than T20s. The players that fell left and right to the deadly Sri Lankan bowlers have maintained their miserable batting in this game, with the exception of Taylor who also performed averagely in the Tests. The bowler (yes unfortunately for New Zealand, they have only one consistent wicket taker) who bowled tidily in the Tests, did the same phenomenal job in the T20 game. Dilshan, who clobbered the Kiwis in the first test, almost took the game away from them today. Most of the factors remain the same, but the results vary.

So what is it? Are the Black Caps unable to focus for more than 40 overs? That doesn't seem to be case, because they are number 5 in the ICC ODI rankings at the moment. So, they can focus for one day? After that they just follow a pattern of visiting the pitch for a short while and running around the field for fun.

But I like the Kiwis and I think they are a very good team. Horribly underrated though. Look at the current series against Sri Lanka. Both Tests went to Day 5 and they were batting second both times. Awesome Dan's heroics almost won the second test. If only Oram had been able to keep it together!

New Zealand is capable of providing many moments of anxiety for the opposition team and they are certainly capable of winning T20s. Yet they hardly win tests. Sri Lanka on the other hand are number 2 in the Test rankings at the moment. But ICC Test and ODI rankings seem unable to explain the results of this circus of a game. Sometimes it's one individual performance, sometimes it's sheer luck, sometimes its the team. More often than not, it's all about who is unfazed by the demands of the format and can keep his cool till the last ball.

Twenty20 results don't mean anything in a series...I firmly maintain that. But it frustrates me to accept that cricket has become a game of luck and show offs with no brilliant scheming or mind games involved. It gives a platform for mediocre teams to claim glory (the English!) and exceptional teams to fall flat on their faces (Sri Lanka). So even if cricketers have figured out what it takes to win a Twenty20 game, I don't think they should take it seriously. Because the Kiwis will win Friday's T20 and then get hammered at the ODI's. It will happen. You just wait and see.

The new face of Victoria's Secret

All the rumours we heard were untrue. Biff has not lost weight...even if he has, he has not lost his man boobs. Once upon a time, I thought it was the Reebok pajamas that he was wearing..turns out it's not. He is still curvy in odd places. So much so that I would like to sell him to Victoria's Secret for their Fall line up. He has already started his training in skankiness with his new girl friend. Graeme has the special ability to show his moobs no matter where the camera is placed. I am posting his portfolio. Take him and go!

Peek-a boo!

Proud and out!

If you have got it, flaunt it

Albie, I believe it is your wife who is meant to feed the kid...

Quotable Quotes

"You need to be an athlete. Look at Flintoff - he is not an athlete. He is a big man who bowls extremely quick, but his body has suffered, and that's why he is not cut for the longer game. "
-Allan Donald reveals in a Cricinfo interview what you need to be a fast bowler. I know there are a lot of Freddie lovers out there (and you all need to find a new idol) but before you fly into rage, this is Allan Donald speaking. You cannot deny that fast bowlers don't get any better than White Lightning. So if he is saying Flintoff is not an athlete he must be right. Now that he has retired, Freddie will always be remembered as the burger stuffed, one hit wonder with weak limbs.

"I'll chew his ear off. "
-Phil Hughes shares how he plans to sledge Sachin Tendulkar in the upcoming tour. Has no one told him that Tendulkar has been dealing with sledging Australians for years now? Do your homework properly little one. And for the love of God, find some other tactic to break the opposition. Like you know...actually scoring some runs?

"We all know that we have a long way to go to be classed as a real threat to the top four teams but they will no longer take us lightly."
-Jamie Siddons, current coach of Bangladesh, speaks about the future of his team. Damn right we can't be taken lightly anymore. Just get other teams to play us as well okay? How will we ever learn to be one of the top four teams if we keep on playing Zimbabwe? We need to be exposed to all conditions. And it's not like we are Pakistan, with bombers in every corner! We will keep the international cricketers safe and sound.

You hear that top four? Come to Bangladesh. Or else...