"How shit you must be if I got you out twice!"
-Paul Harris to Andrew Symonds, Perth 2008

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Don't worry about Ricky

I heard, because I am being such an gigantic bum when it comes to keeping up with cricket these days, that Ricky the bastard Ponting may retire if the Ashes is lost in Australia.

First of all, I have a sneaking suspicion that that is not going to happen. As in Australia won't lose the Ashes in Australia. I'll give you the reasons later, when the series starts. But for now, let's assume that the Aussies lose the Ashes a second consecutive time (i.e. be delusional) and consider Ricky's future.

Ricky Ponting is a man of many talents. Being a bastard is one of the main ones and it is one he pulls off with complete ease. But there are other sides to his character as well. For example being a stubborn pig, carrying an ego that is bigger than him (but how hard is that really?), helping children with cancer, the ability to have cute children...although I suspect his lovely wife has a bigger contribution to the 'cute' part.

And all of these skills are actually transferable off the pitch. But the one that's really going to get him through his fall from grace is his acting skills.

Yes children, his acting skills. You might know by now that I like Ricky Ponting and hate him at the same time. I have no clue why, but I suspect that his stellar commercials has something to with it, like this one that I just saw over at Jrod's.

Did you even know Ricky Ponting could talk in a high pitch, shrill voice? It's like the woman in him just came out, the drag version of Punter- Rikisha Panini (or Panty Rutting as suggested by Sophie from Test Match Sofa).

Don't worry about Ricky he will be fine even if he retires. And if everything else falls through there is always Valvoline. You know what I mean?


sunny said...

If Bush had still been president, I'd suggested he take over. No one would have noted the difference.

Anonymous said...

Don't worry, no one bothered to mention said impending retirement to Ricky himself. It's all rumour and speculation.

It has sparked a lovely discussion over at the Dustbin on who would replace him. We have decided it should be My Lord. Lovely.