"How shit you must be if I got you out twice!"
-Paul Harris to Andrew Symonds, Perth 2008

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Breathe Graeme

Dear Graeme,

Let me make this very clear. This letter of concern and advise (yes, you read that right) has very little to do with you. I don't like you and even though I have said it a million times before I feel the need to clarify this in the very beginning. Lest you and the world thinks I am developing a soft spot for you. So once again, I do not like you.

But, now that you cannot solely be responsible for SA's many, many, MANY failures with your unbelievably stupid decisions, I have come to terms with the fact that the team does in fact need you. You are an opener, and a good opener at that. Once upon a time you used to be borderline great, but obviously you have declined since then. I don't blame you. Captaining SA, getting fat, taking in people's hate, batting- all very tiring. No matter how much of a multitasker you are.

In hindsight, you weren't a terrible captain. I know I make you sound like an abomination, but you did fine as per your capabilities. Yeah, that's a compliment. Take it.

But in hindsight, you are turning out to be a terrible batsman. And that's a tagline I never thought I'd give you. Because you aren't a terrible batsman. In fact, it's the one thing you ARE good at. Opening the batting for South Africa. And considering SA's past openers have been Gary Kirsten, Daryl Cullinan, Herschelle Gibbs etc. that wasn't an easy position to fill. But you did fine for a while. Then obviously, the captaincy took precedence and now you are 30 and may not be able to bat like you used to.

It's scary for us too. Till date, I have yet to see an opener that can replace Herschelle Gibbs which means your other end, is still empty. This also means, a lot of the responsibilities lie on your shoulders. You are no stranger to responsibilities, but I would assume this one's personal. I mean, this one is about you and your forte. And to be honest, it's been bitterly disappointing us for a while now.

So breathe. Age and other distractions sadly took one of SA's great opening batsman. Gibbs, never recovered to achieve what he was meant to achieve. You still have time, or so I would like to think. SA isn't ready to lose another solid opener. Not till Prince becomes a regular (IF he becomes a regular) and Gary Kirsten has figured out where AB should play (god dammit, will you pick a spot already!). Or till they think Rudolph needs to start to represent the Proteas. Seriously! What does a guy have to do?

Finally, let me remind you that I do not like you. But breathe and get your shit together.


tracerbullet007 said...

surprised you didn't mention Amla

Anonymous said...

He does look like he is in simply horrendous form. The feet are moving like some sort of sloth.

But SA will be better for the run-out, shame it was a rain reduced match.

I really like watching Hashim bat, so hopefully he will improve now that he's had a few matches.

Purna said...

Tracer, I tried to make this one about Graeme. A rare occasion.

Anon, Hash is more than experienced in ODI's I think. But they can't decide on a spot for him till they decide on a spot for AB. The middle order on the other hand...

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